An Interesting Result

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the honest truth

I've been avoiding writing this post, but avoiding the topic has not made it less true. Now that I am having orgasms by myself and experiencing those sensations, intercourse, and the sensations usually associated with it, is downright boring. This leads me to anticipate a change in the sexual dynamics of the relationship. A while back, I suggested that we have sessions of making out or more, so that we could be intimate without my fiance having to go to the effort of outright sex. That has been working out fairly well. We may start to lean more on that kind of interaction, and it will be interesting to see if my fiance starts trying to initiate sex. I feel that sex will now take a great deal of effort on his part to be an activity I want to put time and effort into.

Afterthoughts

Right after I orgasm, my brain is flooded with positive thoughts. I think about my academic achievements, my relationship with my fiance and the exceptional tolerably of my job. Everything is awesome in those post-orgasmic moments. I'm starting to wonder if, when I masturbate, I'm chasing the physical sensations or the mental uplift. They are both wonderful and entirely positive experiences.
Even without any masturbation today, I am feeling pretty positive. I finished college yesterday and I just put a lattice crust pie in the oven. I'm good at stuff. 

What's it like?

As the sensations build I feel a tightening in my lower back. That's how I know I'm getting close. The tightening grows into a tingling, and suddenly the feeling explodes through my body, paralyzing me. The noise I make is more eternal than sexual. After wards, I feel more relaxed than I thought possible. I sink into the sheets, like I  might fall right through, and I feel capable of anything. 

Knit knit purl, or, the journey is not over

When I was 12 my great aunt taught me to knit. I was only there for a short visit, so it was not an extensive lesson. But I got along for 11 years with just the garter stitch, which is what you get if you knit every row. I became proficient in making things like scarves and squares, which I sewed together to become blankets. Just a few weeks ago, I finally learned to purl. For the uninitiated, a purl stitch is kind of like a knit stitch backward. Combining knit and purl stitches allows you to make different patterns. The knit stitch has worked for me for over a decade, but now I am learning new tricks left and right. Yesterday, I knit a little hat for a friend of mine who is having a baby. For the first time, I knit in the round, and on double pointed needles. I made I-cord and I decreased stitches. I felt like the knitting world could no longer hide its secrets.
Later on Saturday, right after I had my fourth orgasm ever, I realized that my mastering of knitting was a good metaphor for my journey of exploring my sexuality. My right foot feeling hot, my eyes watering, ejaculating and, finally, orgasm-ing. These are all new tricks my body has learned.
As with knitting, there is still more to learn and master. I did buy a 12-pack of batteries last night, but by no means does that indicate that I will only be satisfied with battery-powered orgasms. I want to orgasm by the hand, by the tongue, and during intercourse. I want to have them by myself and with my fiance. I want him to share in the manic joy I have felt since Thursday. I am still on this journey, but I have definitely turned a corner. As I knit more hats and practice orgasms I will continue to learn and be amazed by what my body and I can achieve. And I will keep you updated along the way.

SUCCESS

I want to rock out to every song I hear. Its snowing today, on the second to last day of April and I'm barely bothered by it. The world is fucking awesome.
I finally came.
I had my first orgasm Thursday, April 28th at 4:25 pm. I had my second one this morning around 9. And I may just go have another one after writing this. After eight months of studying method and technique, my orgasm came without method. I definitely over thought it, and maybe that's what made it happen. One thing is for sure, there is no one right way to start having orgasms!
I feel powerful and sexy and as though I am one with the universe- I also have this profound sense that I am normal- a properly functioning human being! Somewhat frightening, though it remains to be seen: this might actually change my personality. I didn't realize what an unhappy weight this inadequacy was on me, until it was suddenly gone. And I am SO happy, SO cheerful. Its pretty incredible.

frequency

So, a topic that has been weighing on my mind over the course of this winter: the frequency with which I have sex. Whether or not I want to admit it, this has been a big concern for almost the entire time I have been with my fiance. For much of our relationship, it has held steady at about once a week. I keep track. I know that's maladaptive. Anyhow, when I started seeing my sexologist, frequency increased to twice a week. I was pretty happy about that. Then, my session ended at the beginning of December. Frequency has seen dropped to twice a month. I have experienced a wide variety of emotions about this. I was bothered- are we so settled and boring that this is how its gonna be from now on? Is sex not an important part of our relationship? Is he noticing the weight I've put on this winter?
Recently I realized that the decrease in frequency wasn't a problem, as far as my desires. I didn't actually need sex more frequently that twice a month. That freaked me out even more. I didn't want to masturbate much either. What the hell was going on?
We went camping with a friend over spring break and when we returned: sex that night, and the morning after. Thus, my newest hypothesis: maybe this is just a winter thing, and with the snow finally melted, perhaps I will be marking my maladaptive sex calendar on a more regular basis.