Woah, guys.

So I just had to write about my first experience with my new toy, the Lelo Bob. I still intend to write a whole post about my feelings about and experiences with anal, and I will do that soon, but today I just want to tell you about this single experience. First of all, I had been intending to get a toy that was made expressly for anal play, since all I've used in the past has been.. improvised for that use. And in the end, the Bob is actually intended for men, since, after all, they're the ones with prostates and all that. Whatevs, I do me. Ha, that's kind of a play on words.
Anywho, as is my norm when incorporating anal, I kept the plug in while I masturbated as usual with a vibrator. I guess the only difference is I tried to engage in a little.. foreplay with myself. But when I came, I came... not hard... deep? I came deep. Tears came to my eyes, I was happy to be alive, I thanked God for my ability to orgasm. It was fucking transcendent. I was left not only satisfied, but ecstatic.
I'm not sure what my next experiences with this toy will be like, but I really look forward to finding out!

Quite simply, an update

Oof... it seems like eons since I wrote last... a lot has happened. I finally had the conversation I'd been putting off with my husband... and it did not go well. There were tears and desperate promises, on both sides, and then four days of really nice make-up sex right before Valentines day. I was so happy. Then I came down off my oxytocin high and realized it wasn't going to be that easy, this wasn't what real life was like. It's going to take hard work to make my marriage work.
We have decided to go to counseling. The hardest part of that will probably be the financial aspect. Psychologists are not cheap. Also finding someone to watch our son while we go... Also my husband's discomfort with the idea of seeing a psychologist, that they might recognize something horrible in him he didn't know was there. All the same, he's agreed to going, pretty freely. We're basically out of other options.
Now that I've gotten over my disillusioned funk, I do feel better than before we started talking. We've been really trying to be nice to one another and that's...nice.
So, that's what's new with me. The things my close friends, and you total strangers, know, but not my family or coworkers or customers....
Going to the sex toy store tomorrow :)